Too Blind To See

It is 2016, the very first day of 2016. Did not know what to do, so I decided to do one thing I have been preparing for months; scrolling through our old conversations.

I opened my Facebook account, and then opened the messaged tab. I quickly searched your name. Found it. Gosh, more than 3800 chats we had. I wonder what they are all about.

It was a bugger to load through previous chats. The Internet was slow and Facebook took too long to load every single chat message. But I managed to reach the top of it, dated 20th July 2011.

Scrolling down through each conversation was a real stroll down memory lane. Oh how we were too naive back then. All those unnecessary shortforms we used, those cheesy lines we said to each other.

I remembered how I used to tease you when you blushed so red, and how you would do the same to my squinty little eyes. How stupid I was for not able to see all those signals you were giving to me.

I was such a forgetful person. Scrolling through those conversations, all I can see was you supporting me in my toughest times. There were times I posted my angst on Facebook, and you would asked;

"Hey, is it okay? I saw your status on Facebook today. Mind to share?" and with all egomaniac manners I declined you and your kindness. Oh how I took your concern for granted.

You would asked me countless of times, when will I go back to the campus, have I already eaten or not, did I finish my study, how is my progress on assignments doing, did I sleep, why did I stay awake and so forth.

All these little things I took for granted. I only saw them as a blank, empty and aimless conversation with a friend. You probably felt the other way back then, for I know it too late now.

It all went south in the middle of 2012. I do not know what had gotten into me at that time but I neglected every piece of attention you craved from me. How stupid I was.

And came August 2012. It was my birthday that time, on the 8th. You wish me a happy birthday. You never failed to wish me before. Unlike me, who always forgot to wish you,

That was the last time you wish my birthday, and the last time we chat with each other before you gone. Or perhaps, I was the one who was gone? For I am an idiot who wen for the other.

Two years went by without me realizing that you were gone. Totally gone. An emptiness that I could not feel at all. The pillar that supported me all these times was missing without me even knowing.

And then you came back, on 8th August 2014. Just a simple birthday wish. And I realized how vile I was for not searching you back for all those two years. You egomaniac moron, Afiq!

Is it too late for me to say sorry for leaving and forgetting you behind when I was too blind to see that you were always there for me? Is 2016 going to be empty or full of memories with you? 

Wallahu'alam.